If I had to sum up the most challenging aspect of studying abroad for a semester, it would be the struggle to find balance. Between wanting to live up to the social media-created facade of the experience, to wanting to honor your own interests and mental health, it can be hard to know how much to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I definitely came to France with visions of magically becoming some unrealistically extroverted socialite, but quickly realized it is just not a part of who I am. It can be difficult to know when to force myself to go out, or when to squeeze even more rendez-vous into my schedule while saving time to do schoolwork and read for pleasure. There is quite a lot of pressure to constantly take advantage of your time abroad, to always be “on,” exploring, and ready to talk to any stranger in your second language. I have to regularly remind myself that there is not one correct way to have this experience, that it can be fulfilling in many unique ways that don’t always require a flight, an expensive meal, or a night out. I make sure to take care of my mental health and prioritize talking often with my parents to keep myself grounded. I indulge in a student-discounted movie ticket to enjoy American movies with French subtitles (not quite fluent enough yet for French-only films) and in old childhood books translated into French to practice the language. I relish in being able to use my free time for these activities, in not having the stress of an upcoming biology exam. There is no guilt in occupying myself this way when I reflect on how lucky and privileged I am to be here.

I do find myself feeling guilty when money is lost or wasted in some way, which can happen when living or traveling with less savvy than usual. Recently, we lost out on an entire trip planned to Greece, which was an extreme circumstance but happened due to flights booked with an inexpensive company, strikes in Italy delaying our plane’s day-long schedule, and the (much despised, now) Bristol airport. While the whole thing felt disastrous, it helped to remind ourselves that we’d only lost money–our health was intact, we were not in trouble, only stranded in the UK. The scrapped trip will make for a funny story in a few months, I learned many lessons for budget travel in the future (and how much to trust the word of airport staff) and still have a few more trips to look forward to in the last month of my semester. Never will every experience be ideal or picture-perfect, but the sooner you accept that truth, the sooner you can enjoy your own life on your own terms.