I’ve somehow slid into second half of my time abroad, and I find myself reflecting more and more on my cultural identity and relationship with home. Living in a very touristy city means that I am constantly encountering French and American cultural intersections. Sometimes, I feel a vague awkwardness when someone realizes I’m American, particularly when it turns into a condescending interaction. Many people here insist on using their limited English rather than letting me practice my French, or over explaining aspects of the culture under the presumption that I am just here for a week. In my daily language class, I am often held liable for the shortcomings of the US, or the subject of gentle teasing about our political system, unaffordable education, or harm on the environment. Obviously, it is in a joking manner, but I find myself regularly defensive or turning equally critical of my home country. Not that all tourists in Paris are American, but their presence seems to leave a lasting mark and negative stereotype for most immigrants in France. This cultural divide, missing Pennsylvania and my friends and family while simultaneously trying to blend in and assimilate here, leaves me conflicted and wanting to apologize to Parisians on behalf of disrespectful tourists.

Yet simultaneously, I have met many French people who exclaim with excitement when they learn where I’m from, gushing about the American Dream and their dreams of working in New York. These remarks always remind me of the parallel ways in which foreigners romanticize Paris without the full picture of life there. The more positive side of this cultural clash is the constant exposure to different nationalities, providing opportunities to debate and discuss. My two close French friends from my high school exchange program have indulged all of my curiosities, from the healthcare system and medical school journey here to the suburbanite perspective of Paris. I recently visited an Australian elementary school friend currently studying in Lyon, who introduced me to her Irish and Scottish friends with completely unique perspectives on France to my own. Stepping out of the Americo-centric perspective has been refreshing and provides me with a more objective perception of the US’s assets and flaws. This self-consciousness about my American identity within Europe has allowed me to reflect and consider the possibility of a future working abroad.

Also, moving six hours away from my entire support system has forced me to be more self-reliant. I am more resilient through social interactions and new experiences than expected. I have been positively challenged with forming new and rekindling old friendships and knowing when to reach out and call family and friends to avoid homesickness. I have thus far successfully handled any unsafe or uncomfortable situations while traveling, which I am quite proud of. Studying in a larger and more urban city than Pittsburgh was daunting, but I love the anonymity of a big city and a robust public transportation system. I have definitely confirmed my desire to eventually live somewhere similar and equally walkable, whatever the future holds.